{Guest Post} Space Priorities: Reflecting Daily Flow & Values

~Note: This week's post is by Merritt Chesson. Merritt is the professional organizer and founder of SIMPLY KEPT, based out of Durham, NC. She provides assistance in clutter management and organizational design in both homes and workplaces.~

We often talk about what fills our time, how we spend our time, etc. But what fills our space? And how does this affect how we use our space, how we feel in our space?

Too often, as with time, our space gets filled with happenstance objects like shoes we do not wear, furniture we do not like, unread magazines or unused appliances. These objects do not support our daily flow or values. They have a way of crowding out or distracting us from those things that do serve our interests – those things that we actually do use regularly, that inspire us, and that contribute to the kind of lives we want to live.

Instead of a clear, open, inviting space for eating, for example, a kitchen table gets piled with mail, books, and bags. Instead of a pleasing display of one’s clothes and accessories, a closet gets packed with old storage boxes and forgotten keepsakes. Instead of a productive, efficient, and inspiring workspace, an office becomes filled with piles of papers, supplies, machines, and cords. 

Cluttered spaces can leave us feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and distracted from what we really care about, from those things that actually impact our lives in a positive way. Clutter winds up affecting not just our physical space by also our state of mind, how we think, feel, and function.

As a professional organizer, I encourage my clients’ awareness of their daily needs and rhythms to help them to sort through and clear out those items that clog space and distract from priorities and/or desired lifestyle or workflow. We consider together how they wish to function and feel in their space and explore ways to make that happen.

You can do this too by approaching one space at a time (kitchen, closet, office, living room, laundry room, basement, drawer, filing cabinet, pantry, etc.). Below are some helpful questions for self-assessment and direction. While my clients and I work on most of these together, I suggest you choose one or two to keep you focused and not overwhelmed:

• How do I feel in this space? How do I want to feel in this space?
• What are my priorities for this space? How do I want to use this space?
• How do I want this space to reflect and support my values?
• Are there some items in this space that I don’t use regularly? Could they be thrown away, recycled, given away, or stored somewhere out of the way? (This is one of my absolute favorite questions!!! Letting go of these items is a huge first step to making way for those things that contribute positively to your daily life.)
• Are those items that I do use regularly reasonably accessible?
• What do I need to feel more inspired, empowered, and at ease in this space? 

When your space supports your values and priorities instead of distracting you from them, you are living well!

~Merritt has offered OTMB readers a great deal: email info@simplykept.org, mention this post, and receive 25% off for a 6-hour package. Offer good through the end of January 2016. Thanks Merritt!

Gaining more than just weight

I knew I'd gained weight before I knew it. But when I arrived home Sunday afternoon and tried on my favorite pair of orange pants, the truth was confirmed. I'd worked hard to lose that weight and gaining it back sucked for the obvious reasons but also because it was a failure. I'm super competitive (most obviously with myself) and I take failure seriously. Admitting failure out loud is also hard but more than that, it's a wake-up call that in addition to weight gain, I'd also gained complacency. I'd become used to not offering out my own vulnerability in my work the way that I have in the past. And that hits just as hard.

For some women, vulnerability is their platform, like Glennon over at Monastery for example. Everything about Glennon is an act of vulnerability. She brings it all, all the time. But for me, I live and work from a place of empathetic authenticity. For me that means showing up (as much for me as for you) + offering my vulnerability + speaking my truth in hopes that it helps or gives permission. I've been showing up and speaking but offering my vulnerability faded, unnoticed. Not by you, though. You notice the difference because you resonate less with the post/update/Tweet. Rants can be entertaining but watch the "likes", shares or comments when you post a photo of yourself in a bikini for the world to see. Or share your c-section scar. Or talk about the river of grief in which you are still treading water.

Habits that are hard to maintain are easy to lose sight of...whether that's living healthily or being vulnerable. I know where I went off the path (half the battle, so yay) but now I need to make the changes so I don't veer off again. One way to do that is to bring me into it. To ask myself before I write or post if my experience, my story, is in there. Brene Brown says, "Story is our way home." in _Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted_. For starters, I'll use that as my compass. Telling our own story is always a vulnerable act. It's not practical to always have me in there but it can be a double-check where there wasn't one before.

The practice, where I'm starting now (again) is the most important part of becoming who I want to be, Seth Godin says here. So, I'll do better. That practice (and the promise in it) is as much for my own growth and business as it is for you, on whatever end of the life seesaw you're balancing now. Because I want to be the woman who owns her story and in doing so, help others listen to and own theirs. Thank you for reading.

Psst! Do you get my weekly e-newsletter? It contains short thought pieces on personal growth and losing the fear as well as ideas for inspiration and news about upcoming programs. Click here to subscribe. 

Ignoring The Thing That Hurts

As women we look the other way a lot. We ignore the online comment that is an insult or we make decisions out of default, watching the hours or days pass by without any action other than noticing. Sometimes we even ignore our own internal or external hurt. We often aren't willing to really sit with the thing that feels uncomfortable and then take action to make that issue feel better. "The devil you know" and all that allows us to sit, usually unchallenged, in our own hurt. Until now.

Opening up into whatever hurts is painful in the obvious ways. If you've been ignoring a physical pain or health concern, it could be painful having that area explored by a physician. I get it. Even if your hot spot isn't physical, it can be painful just talking about whatever hurts you. But you need to. Because you deserve better.

I've spoken with clients who justify the pain that they're in as "payback" for something that they did wrong in the past. Honestly, it wasn't that long ago that I thought the same thing. But in the years since, I've come to the conclusion that no one deserves to be hurt because of something that they *think* they did wrong in the past. And even if I did do something wrong, overall, I'm a good person. Everyone makes mistakes. But if it feels important to ask for forgiveness for your past mistake, do so to whomever you need to. I give it to you here as well. And then, move on to paying attention to your own hurt. Bring your attention back to that.

You're the one that others depend on. You keep family circles together as well as circles of friends from high school. You remember others' birthdays and bring food when someone is sick or had a new baby. Your presence means the world to so many people. You don't deserve the internal suffering that is a by-product of you sticking your head in the sand. And that's true no matter what you've done.

When you sit with your hurt and concentrate on mending it, your heart becomes lighter. Your shoulders will spring back from their crunched position. Deep breathes will come without prompting. Your sleep will be better, you'll be less inclined to head for a sugar fix and more inclined to smile. Paying attention to your hurt and mending it reaffirms your commitment to yourself as a woman who deserves love and good fortune. Because you do.

What's your hurt that needs to be mended?

Silence is a racket

I saw a drawing on Glennon Doyle's Instagram last week about ignoring offensive things on the internet. Many followers liked it but there were a few comments, mine included, which challenged the idea. Much as I appreciate Glennon's work, I can't get behind encouraging women to silence themselves more than they already do.

You don't want to make waves. I get it. It's hard for me too, to challenge something I see or hear, even if it is online or anonymous. But when you ignore the personal attack against you on Twitter, the rude remark on your Instagram photo, or someone's ignorant statement on Facebook, your silence costs you. Silencing yourself is a racket, an expensive one, because it costs you more long-term than any gain in the moment. It costs you 1) emotional energy and 2) precious time because while you can choose a behavior, you can't choose a feeling. And if you choose to stuff your initial feeling, you're forcing your mind and body to backtrack from its gut response. That's a lot of work i.e. energy and time.

My take on the post I saw.

There are costs if you silence yourself but there's opportunity when you don't: speaking up for what's right. So often that boils down to your own humanity (or someone else's), the right to be treated with kindness and respect. It's not "being the bigger person" to ignore something offensive/ignorant and it's not about eliminating people from your life who disagree with you. It's about eliminating a damaging attitude of hate and snark that don't represent the kind of person you are, want to be or want in your world. Disagreement is healthy. Conflict is inevitable. Hate, snark, rudeness, ignorance is abuse. And you don't deserve that.

And of course there will be women because of who they are (they are a woman of color or identify as queer or an abuse survivor or are larger than the "perfect" size, etc.) and just by being themselves "out" in the world that it may not feel safe to speak up as often as they'd like. That's okay too. Being able to speak up and out is a privilege and sadly, some of us have this "right" more than others do.

If it feels safe enough: don't accommodate hate. That's what you're doing when you ignore someone else's meanness or cruelty. Unfriend, block, report. No one I know has extra time or emotional energy to throw around. You're juggling multiple commitments (perhaps even multiple children), managing a household and you don't have as much space in your day for your own needs...whatever it is they are. Maybe you even feel stuck. You have even less energy and time then. Make a decision today in favor of you and your well-being to speak out against offensive, instead of making room in your life for inappropriate.

Thanks for reading.